How I feel dating
The longer youāre not here the more I realize why itās supposed to be this way. You were fighting so many demons here on earth it was only a matter of time before those suicide attempts actually worked. Iām no longer in mourning more so in anger. Though I understand what you were facing these kids deserve their daddy. I know with certainty that we wouldnāt still be together but we wouldāve been some bomb ass co-parents. The bond wouldāve gotten stronger but I couldnāt be your healer. I could not longer be the trophy you kept placing on a pedestal even when I told you I didnāt feel like I earned that position. Iāll admit no one has ever loved me wholeheartedly the way you did and for that Iāll forever cherish and appreciate experiencing being loved with someoneās whole heart, mind, body and soul. Our relationship taught me so much about love but about myself that I never knew I needed to work on and without doubt I owe that all to you. Iām better at speaking my mind even when it terrifies me. Iāve learned to be more efficient in my communication and again thatās all because of you. But Iām still angry. You should be here. You should be actively being the greatest dad ever because thatās what you were. This hold you have on me from the other side I need you to release me. I know when we talked you said you wouldnāt want me to date/be with anyone if you ever left this place but the fact is you left me. I deserve love, I deserve happiness with another person other than the kids. Josh let me go. There will forever be a place in my heart that you hold. I have your children , I literally see you daily. If youāre afraid of being forgotten I promise that will never be. But let me Go! I had to realize that I could let you go while still loving who you were and keeping your memory alive and now itās time for you to do the same. I feel your presence and I know you protect us every step of the way. I know when weird shit happen in the house itās you. But itās time. Love us deep from the other side but let me live. I love you always. Youāll always be alive through us I promise -Bubby
Internally sometimes Iām falling completely apart but I gotta be the strong one,gotta smile, gotta push forward. But Iām really not always ok even with a smile on my face
How I am when I think about āhimā how the comfortability comes with so much ease. How the vibes are always so pure with no ulterior motives whatsoever. But I canāt say that to him. I canāt tell him how I feel because I already know he wants nothing more than friendship. So here I am feeling like a whole idiot for allowing myself to develop feelings for someone who will never be more than āJust a friend ā. Silly Rabbit I am
My problem is I be liking people way too soon/fast especially if the vibes heavy in the beginning. Then when they show me who they really are I still be like 🤔🤔. Smmfh I’m learning though
